My Biggest Competitor

Recently, I went to lunch with my dear friend Alyssa (a wity and fabulous blogger). Alyssa, a Scorpio, and me, a Leo…the two combined is like a whirl wind of danger and a good time together joined in one; both of us always dressed in all black wearing red bitten lips and a catty tongue to follow. Over sushi, we caught up on the usual conversations which includes bad language, lots of laughs, some tears, and mostly our lives and challenges. We talk of men, how horrible and amazing we think our lives are at that exact moment, exchange advice to each other of what we both need to do with our health, attitudes, and work, as we always walk away from each other inspired, challenged, motivated, and mostly feeling better. 

Alyssa mentioned something to me that stuck; That good ol' Scorpio friend that everyone must have said, "Amy, maybe it's just bad timing or maybe it's not meant to be. But ultimately do you and Fuck everything else. This is your time to concentrate on yourself with or without someone!"

I showed up to the sushi date with Alyssa feeling stressed, frustrated, and a little emotional. I woke up that morning feeling defeated, unmotivated, and fragile. As usual Amy, I allowed myself to put someone's feelings before mine and let my guard down too soon only to be left feeling discouraged and disheartened. Waking up that morning, I couldn't figure out why someone, or anyone, would treat me or make me feel a certain way the day prior. After my date with Alyssa, it was that moment driving away that I realized: They didn't treat me or make me feel a certain way…I let them! I gave them the power and the satisfaction of putting me down for their own self insecurities. 

I have this problem of falling in love with people, all people. I fall in love a little bit with anyone who shows me a real raw soul. Someone that can get on an intellectual level of openness and someone who challenges my thinking but understands me and my life. I am so in love with rawness and uniqueness. I appreciate a good mind fuck often.

The day prior I felt a horrible vibe and experienced some downgrading from an individual I soon found out was not the individual I thought they were. I soon realized after spending some time with this person that they needed to put me down to make them feel better. They needed to try to put me on a level that I, not only competed on with them but whoever else they were talking to or I came in contact with. It had been made clear that they were intimated by me, always making negative remarks about my character or blog. At the moment of experiencing this, I hadn't opened my eyes to realize what was really going on until I stepped back and observed a few things. 

When realization hit me and I battled my way out of the negative emotional vortex I was sucked into I realized, I will not compete with anyone! The only competition I have is with myself. Constantly striving to be the better me; better than I was yesterday and better than I will be tomorrow. I will never compete with another woman for a man. If he doesn't see me as a goddess or accept me as my own individual self, he is clearly not worthy of any of my good energy or even a spot in my life.  If a friend is constantly knocking me or continuously being negative toward me or my life, they don't deserve me as the true loyal friend I am.

This wasn't a lesson but a reminder! The universe was reminding me of my self worth, some people try to make you feel insecure, but mostly that some people are not on my level.

I have worked hard to be on this level. This has taken many years to achieve the mindset and attitude that I have fought for and no one will ever drag me back to an unhealthy negative attitude or life. I will not be tied down in a relationship or friendship that doesn't empower me or enlighten me. I will never allow a man or woman to validate my existence. I don't want anyone in my life that isn't willing to adventure with me in a fun loving peaceful inspiring way.
I want to experience and experiment. I want to live, travel, go to concerts and raves and parties, and eat food I've never eaten, and take random trips, and be so happy, high, and intoxicated on life and love that I never come down. If someone wants to join me and enjoy this ride with me that's awesome, but if you can't I will do it alone. I won't change who I am for anyone. I am not living for anyone but me. I don't need anyone and that's the best and refreshing part. It's okay if people and places leave and change but don't change for other people. Either get on my level, step up your game or step out of my way.

If they can't be on your level emotionally, intellectually, and positively, they don't deserve you! If they don't empower you and make you feel high, smile and peace out! 

Amy Gurl