Dating. That six letter word that holds absolutely no meaning but such power at the same time. For me, dating is just a word. I mean how many times have you heard of people "dating" multiple people at the same time? Not saying there is anything wrong with it but having a monogamous relationship is so much more important than "dating" multiple men or women. Not to mention, there are so many kinds of "dating."
I've been on some good dates and I've been on some bad dates. I've been on the dates of "loose my fucking number and never contact me again" and I've been on a date of "gosh, I wonder if he is going to ask me out again?" There have been the many mixture of both and ultimately I, which is key, I, Amy decided that no one person was going to control my mood or even my love or dating life.
I've been seeing the same therapist for a year now. There have been many times I have rushed in, plopped myself on that couch with those big enormous pillows that suck me in as I stare at my therapist with tears running down my face listening as she says, "Amy, stop being so hard on yourself. Sometimes you have to be vulnerable. It's okay to be scared or sad. Address it and go about your day." (Easier said than done Sherron).
So, I decided to open my heart to other options and insights. I decided that I was going to stop being so hard on myself and accept whatever is put in my path good or bad. I decided that any "date" I was going to use to my advantage. It was an opportunity to challenge myself, open myself, and prove to me what level I really am on for my personal expectations. Step one, was like I said, being vulnerable. Step two was being open. Step three was not judging myself so harshly. Finally, step four, I was going to live in that exact moment at that exact time.
My taste and idea for men has changed rather drastically. I don't really have a "type." I know what I like, what I am attracted to, and what I need as my own individual woman. I have decided I am not settling for less than I deserve and if you can't pick up the bill, compliment me, or arrange the date your an ultimate doouuuche.
The thought of online dating had me cringing. I was so judgmental and against the fact of meeting someone online either it be through social media, a dating website, or whatever it maybe. I mean the scare, the unanswered questions, the thought of it being a blind date, and even the dangers had me intertwined with so many thoughts, emotions, and negative responses….all examples of being closed minded to myself. There are many successful relationships from online dating in fact, one of my closest friends met the love of her life on Instagram, literally all the way almost across the country. Long story short, they now live together and are planning their future. Not to mention, how amazing and beautiful their relationship is.
With this being said, I actually went on a date with someone I met online! Yes, I did! It was probably one of the best experiences of my life. I say it was the best not only because I am having so much fun but because I put myself out there but in a way of, this is who I am if you don't like me then that is fine I will be on my way. I wasn't worried what he thought of the way I dressed or how I looked to him physically in his eyes, all I cared about was what he thought of me as a real, raw, woman. I went into the date with a open mind and a clear mind. I released all past and failed dates or relationships and went about it in a different attitude.
We had a 2 hour drive to our destination and I told myself the whole time, "be yourself." That's it and that's all I did. I figured if he didn't like my sarcastic nonsensical humor, my bad language and sometimes bad jokes that I only laugh at, my taste in music and need not only to be the DJ but my music ADD, being over loving and friendly, my upfront bold personality, and my desire to become a professional dancer when I have had too many vodka cranberries, I'd just catch a plane back home and feel okay knowing that I was only and truly me!
Needless to say, our first date was not only special but it was exciting, intoxicating, and refreshing. Not only did I meet so many people and made new friends, I exposed people to me and I didn't care what anyone thought or felt; I was me in all my unique and imperfect ways. It was so amazing to be around real and different people who are inspiring and unique.
You see, I am a leo…hardcore to the bone. Do you know any leos, dated, married, related to one, or are one? Then I dare you to find a leo who won't fight for you or give you the shirt off their back; I dare you to find someone more loving and forgiving than a leo. I am going to continue to be me, be vulnerable, and be open. My heart is at peace as I will continue to roam free spirited and wild until I am tamed…………wait, will I ever be tamed?
To be continued….