Confessions of a Cowgirl - Volume IX

“Read on,” says Grand Daddy as I look up and stare at him after reading the poem.

 “If Bat is still hanging upside down and immersed in darkness, you have met its contrary medicine. The position leads to stagnation of the spirit and a refusal to acknowledge your true destiny-which is always to use the talents you have to the fullest. Is there some area of your life that is dammed up and therefore stopped your destiny to create? If so, look at surrendering to the death of that stagnation.” [i]

I look up from the book and Grand Daddy and I meet eyes. His kind eyes smile at me while he gives me a nod to proceed. 

 “Bat can also imply that in the reversal of your natural cycle of rebirth you are trying to go at life in a backward mode. This is breech birth in a sense. This type of occluded understanding of how to go about freeing yourself can lead to a stillbirth if you struggle long in the birth canal. The final outcome can be death of the body. Some people think themselves into a corner with obstacles that are illusionary. By the time they decide what to do, the opportunities are gone and old age is upon them. All of their dreams have passed them by. Reserved Bat says to use your mind, courage and strength to insure an easy labor and quick delivery into your new state of understanding and growth. Surrender to the new life you have created from though and desire and bravely greet that dawn.” [ii]

 I felt like I had been slapped in the face. How was this so realistic and connected with my life? I look up again from the book with glossy eyes and wet lashes.

 “A paragraph more, you’re almost done,” Grand Daddy says.

 I continue on to the next page, “If you are concerned with today and tomorrow but not much further, you may forget to see further down the road. Tribal teachings say that you are responsible for future generations. Every decision, every thought, is to create a state of stagnation or rebirth for those that follow you on the Good Red Road. If you are blocking yourself, you may be blocking the generations to come. Bat flies at night, and in the night are born your dreams. These are the dreams that build future civilization, so nourish them well.” [iii]

 The air had been taken out of my lungs. I didn’t know what I was feeling because I was drowning in my life’s catastrophes. I lay back down on top of the log as the book lay open on my tummy.  

 “So cowgirl, tell me how do you feel about drawing the Bat?”

“Well,” I say with a deep sigh, “About a week ago Jimmy shot a small bat that was flying around the barn with his .410. For some reason, I thought it was weird. Then, the other day, I noticed Pablo picking up a big bat with a shovel that was lying in front of the house. And earlier, amongst these animals trying to eat me, I looked over and saw a bat…but it disappeared,” I responded.

 Grand Daddy smiles, “You are special and have such amazing gifts and talents you fail to use or even know you possess. It’s not your fault, but you need to learn. Now, let’s return to the contrary medicine of the bat.”

 Continuing to lay back, I nod and listen as Grand Daddy begins to explain.

 “It’s not coincidental that you drew the Bat cowgirl. It is not coincidental that you saw three bats and you pulled the upside-down Bat card. You must understand that everything is connected and if you look deep outside of yourself, you will realize and begin to listen to nature. You will begin to learn from the signs that are all around you.” Grand Daddy explained as he continued on.

 “Hanging-upside down Bat is a symbol for learning to transform yourself. It allows you to transform your former self into a newborn being. Since Bat has appeared in your cards today, it symbolizes the need for ritualistic death of some way of life that no longer suits your growth pattern. This can be a time of letting go of old habits and of assuming the position in life that prepares you for rebirth, or in some cases initiation.  In every case cowgirl, Bat signals rebirth of some part of yourself or the death of old patterns. If you resist your destiny, it can be a long, drawn out, or painful death. The universe is always asking you to grow and become your future.” [iv]

 I sit, speechless. I stare up at the sky, I don’t respond. 

 “So, what you need to do is really dig down deep. Who are you cowgirl?” Grand Daddy asks.

 And as I hear the crack of brush and voices in the distance, the ground vibrates and Grand Daddy, his card and books are gone. 

 I hear familiar voices yelling my name and I yell back.

 Yote is the first to arrive, his voice heightened, “Oh my gosh, JIMMY,” he yells. The brush gets louder as Jimmy runs through the tree line and straight towards us. 

 “Are you okay? What’s going on? I mean…” Johnny is shaking and panicked. 

 “I’m okay you guys, I am just so happy you are here. How did you find me?” I ask.

 “Well, Yote showed up at the house and said we had bad news. I was unsaddling the three year olds and was headed to go find you when I was done, but Yote came first,” Jimmy says with a cracked voice.

 “Did you see Moon?”

“Yes, she was standing by the trailer when we pulled in. It appears as her tail had been ripped or pulled nearly completely out. What the hell happened?” Jimmy asks.

 “Well, by the looks of it… you’re lucky to be alive,” Yote responds in a stern tone. “What were you doing out here anyways?” he asks.

 “Can you help me get up off this log and we can talk on the way home?” I say.

 “Oh, yes, of course but you’re not going home,” Jimmy says as he scrambles to my side. 

 “Be careful please, I think my legs are paralyzed,” I respond as my eyes meet Jimmy’s.

 “What…no, what…” tears start to stream down Jimmy’s check.

 “Alright,” Yote interjects. “Now, cowgirl can you move your legs or any part of your lower body?”


 “Okay, Jimmy squat down and hook your arms underneath hers and cradle her and carry her, lifting her slowly up,” Yote demands.

 Jimmy immediately straddles my legs, squats and gently hooks his arms underneath my armpits as he picks me up.

 “I am going to carry you to the truck.”

 “Hey, where are my dogs? Did you see my dogs?” I suddenly ask frantically.

 “Yes, they’re on the flat-bed. They were lying under a tree on top of a knoll when we found them.”

 “They didn’t go too far then, are they okay?” I ask.

 “They’re, great” Yote responds, “But we will all be better as soon as we know what’s going on. Now, let’s go we gotta get you to the hospital.”

 By the time we got to the truck it was dark. A big dog bed had been left in the back seat of the flat bed. Jimmy had put it out for my dogs to lay on. They looked content and were happy to see me.

I sighed with relief and smiled as I greeted them. I couldn’t even imagine how they felt, what they saw or heard and how scared and worried they were. I was surprised that Cookie hadn’t sniffed me out, but I am glad she didn’t because she probably would’ve been dead.

To be continued.

**If you wish to read previous stories click here

[i] Sams J.,  & Carson D., (1999). Medicine Cards: The Discovery of Power                Through the Ways of   Animals, 204.

[ii] Sams J.,  & Carson D., (1999). Medicine Cards: The Discovery of Power              Through the Ways of   Animals, 204.

[iii] Sams J.,  & Carson D., (1999). Medicine Cards: The Discovery of Power             Through the Ways of   Animals, 204.

[iv] Sams J.,  & Carson D., (1999). Medicine Cards: The Discovery of Power              Through the Ways of   Animals, 204.